I don't know how to follow up that last post. It's just daughting. I mean, The Boob Tap got more hits than any other post I've yet to write, followed in close second by me getting attacked by a homeless dude at Five Points. I'm not sure what that says about y'all.
For the most part, my rides this week have been rather uneventful, my buses timely. In fact, the new dude on the 10b in the mornings gets us to work early. I'm not sure this is a good thing. Some bus driver has hit the MARTA number 12 bus shelter at Cumberland. The roof is bent up. The bus last night had some jacked up tires. All in all, a pretty good week so far.
But I have been getting hit on a lot lately. Dudes have apparently not taken my MARTA Dating Advice to heart. I got one fella, Dwayne, who introduced himself. He was nice. But I was reading. One guy who gets points for checking out my tats and asking what they said. And one dude who needs to be taken out back and shot. For real. This old man had the following conversation with me, while I was reading my book, no less:
"You smell good."
"Uh, thanks."
"You got a man."
"Yup."
"Your man black?"
"Ah, no."
"You want a black man?"
"I'm good, thanks."
"I'll be your black man. I'll make you squirt. Your man make you squirt?"
Dude, really? That is not how you pick up chicks. Not at all. I mean, does any self-respecting woman fall for that? Ew. Just ew.
I'm kinda embarassed for posting this. But it happened.
Ew.
Showing posts with label crazy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crazy. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
MARTA Dating Tips
For the final stretch of my ride home Monday night, I hopped on the train at Avondale, post a stint at the Corner Pub with One and Two, to Kensington. One stop. At 10pm, my normal commute time. Except that night, there was crazy all up on that train and it had it's eye on me.
See, there was this dude sitting across the aisle from me. We were in the capper seats facing one another (there were, indeed, no cappers present requiring said seats, thankyouverymuch) and I plopped down and leaned back while discussing with my bud Steph about my tenure at the shelter via cellular phone. I mentioned that I had been there one year when crazy dude pipes in with a whole, "Girl, why you been staying in the shelter for a year?" I explained that I'm the manager there, it's my job. See, but that was my mistake, don't engage the crazy.
I leaned back again and continued my conversation when I feel something on my boot. Sure enough, crazy was playing with my foot. On the train. Who does that? I shake him off and continue with said conversation. Then he does it again, and when I look at him, he licks his lips. Ew. Just ew. So I continue to ignore him. Once more, my toes are squeezed and he says, "Hang up". It's about this point, in my bad day, that I proceed to tell him to stop touching me. This gets him going, "You crazy not to talk to this good looking man." No, you crazy, hitting up on some chick on the train when she is obviously not into you at all.
Fellas, I'm not saying to not talk to a girl on the train; I know Two's dream girl is car free like him, so MARTA might even be a good place for him to meet such a lady. But you've got to do this one right, because the creep factor can be super high if you're chatting up someone on transit.
So I offer you my dating tips, as verified by the Accidental Commuter.
First. DO NOT TOUCH. Especially feet. I mean, really. Most girls have this whole "Transit = dirty" stigma. There are a lot of people on that train everyday, and this means germs and general ickiness. So don't spread anymore ickiness. And most people just don't like being touched without provocation.
Second. If it's a weeknight and it's 10pm, this is not the time to engage someone in conversation. Only crazies do that. A safe time to engage girls in conversation is generally 10:30am to around 8pm, unless its the weekend, when you're safe up til close to midnight. This is because people don't want to chat it up usually during the morning commute so you're just annoying. Unless she's a super crazy morning person, and then she just may well be annoying. But in the AM, she's reading her newspaper, still a bit groggy, and not looking forward to that 9 to 5. However, during lunch or daytime errands, or the commute home, this can be a good time to hit it off with the girl of your transit dreams. But after 8, you get into that latenight-creepy factor, and she's had a long day and is trying to get home, so again, I'd stay away and let her come to you if she's so inclined.
Third. If someone is on the phone, leaning back, has their eyes closed or is anyway not paying attention to you, do not talk to them, this is not a bar. Only engage with someone if they look at you. And I mean LOOK at you. This look should either a: be eye contact lasting longer than three seconds, b: result in a smile, or c: be followed up with a second look. You should be looking for some sign of interest. And if she's reading a book, she doesn't want to talk to you.
Fourth: So she looked at you, twice, and she smiled. Now what? Does she have a seat? Do you? Offer her your seat or the one next to you so that she's close enough to engage. But what do you talk to her about? Talk about some crazy person on the train, there's usually one. Maybe the curly headed blond girl I always run into, or some joker selling something. But don't make fun of them, talk about how they make the commute more entertaining. Or you could talk about the ads, like how you were thinking about getting those blue jeans for curvy girls or hair extensions, or how that Troy map got you lost one time. Be fun, have humor. Transit girls like humor. We also like dorks, so it's a safe bet to make fun of yourself. Don't try to be cool or slick, cool turns to creepy too fast. And please don't ask her where she's going. If she wants you to know, she'll tell you. Unless she has luggage and is heading to or away from the airport, then you can inquire about her trip.
Fifth: You've engaged her in some light conversation, and she doesn't seem to be annoyed. Great! Seal the deal, but do it quickly. You never know when she'll be needing to get off. But how do you do that without being all creepy? I would recommend some cutesy strategy, like suggesting you two meet up again on the train. If it's Tuesday night and you're both headed home from the office, suggest that you do the commute again tomorrow. Saturday night? See you at on the way to brunch for some Hangover hash! If she laughs, drop it. Then it's not like you awkwardly asked her out and she declined, laugh along and pretend it's a joke. If she says sure, give her your business card with an e-mail address. Then she has the option to follow up if she cares to.
If you never hear from her and you see her again, just smile. She may come talk to you. She may ignore your existence. She may write about you in her blog. Us girls tend to get hit on more than you think on the train, so it's a fine line to tow if you get on that ship. You could even make fun of creeps who hit on girls on transit. But the best MARTA dating tip I have, is for pete's sake, help any chick you see on the train who's being harassed by a crazy. Pretend you know her, make said crazy go away, and you will be forever endeared to her.
See, there was this dude sitting across the aisle from me. We were in the capper seats facing one another (there were, indeed, no cappers present requiring said seats, thankyouverymuch) and I plopped down and leaned back while discussing with my bud Steph about my tenure at the shelter via cellular phone. I mentioned that I had been there one year when crazy dude pipes in with a whole, "Girl, why you been staying in the shelter for a year?" I explained that I'm the manager there, it's my job. See, but that was my mistake, don't engage the crazy.
I leaned back again and continued my conversation when I feel something on my boot. Sure enough, crazy was playing with my foot. On the train. Who does that? I shake him off and continue with said conversation. Then he does it again, and when I look at him, he licks his lips. Ew. Just ew. So I continue to ignore him. Once more, my toes are squeezed and he says, "Hang up". It's about this point, in my bad day, that I proceed to tell him to stop touching me. This gets him going, "You crazy not to talk to this good looking man." No, you crazy, hitting up on some chick on the train when she is obviously not into you at all.
Fellas, I'm not saying to not talk to a girl on the train; I know Two's dream girl is car free like him, so MARTA might even be a good place for him to meet such a lady. But you've got to do this one right, because the creep factor can be super high if you're chatting up someone on transit.
So I offer you my dating tips, as verified by the Accidental Commuter.
First. DO NOT TOUCH. Especially feet. I mean, really. Most girls have this whole "Transit = dirty" stigma. There are a lot of people on that train everyday, and this means germs and general ickiness. So don't spread anymore ickiness. And most people just don't like being touched without provocation.
Second. If it's a weeknight and it's 10pm, this is not the time to engage someone in conversation. Only crazies do that. A safe time to engage girls in conversation is generally 10:30am to around 8pm, unless its the weekend, when you're safe up til close to midnight. This is because people don't want to chat it up usually during the morning commute so you're just annoying. Unless she's a super crazy morning person, and then she just may well be annoying. But in the AM, she's reading her newspaper, still a bit groggy, and not looking forward to that 9 to 5. However, during lunch or daytime errands, or the commute home, this can be a good time to hit it off with the girl of your transit dreams. But after 8, you get into that latenight-creepy factor, and she's had a long day and is trying to get home, so again, I'd stay away and let her come to you if she's so inclined.
Third. If someone is on the phone, leaning back, has their eyes closed or is anyway not paying attention to you, do not talk to them, this is not a bar. Only engage with someone if they look at you. And I mean LOOK at you. This look should either a: be eye contact lasting longer than three seconds, b: result in a smile, or c: be followed up with a second look. You should be looking for some sign of interest. And if she's reading a book, she doesn't want to talk to you.
Fourth: So she looked at you, twice, and she smiled. Now what? Does she have a seat? Do you? Offer her your seat or the one next to you so that she's close enough to engage. But what do you talk to her about? Talk about some crazy person on the train, there's usually one. Maybe the curly headed blond girl I always run into, or some joker selling something. But don't make fun of them, talk about how they make the commute more entertaining. Or you could talk about the ads, like how you were thinking about getting those blue jeans for curvy girls or hair extensions, or how that Troy map got you lost one time. Be fun, have humor. Transit girls like humor. We also like dorks, so it's a safe bet to make fun of yourself. Don't try to be cool or slick, cool turns to creepy too fast. And please don't ask her where she's going. If she wants you to know, she'll tell you. Unless she has luggage and is heading to or away from the airport, then you can inquire about her trip.
Fifth: You've engaged her in some light conversation, and she doesn't seem to be annoyed. Great! Seal the deal, but do it quickly. You never know when she'll be needing to get off. But how do you do that without being all creepy? I would recommend some cutesy strategy, like suggesting you two meet up again on the train. If it's Tuesday night and you're both headed home from the office, suggest that you do the commute again tomorrow. Saturday night? See you at on the way to brunch for some Hangover hash! If she laughs, drop it. Then it's not like you awkwardly asked her out and she declined, laugh along and pretend it's a joke. If she says sure, give her your business card with an e-mail address. Then she has the option to follow up if she cares to.
If you never hear from her and you see her again, just smile. She may come talk to you. She may ignore your existence. She may write about you in her blog. Us girls tend to get hit on more than you think on the train, so it's a fine line to tow if you get on that ship. You could even make fun of creeps who hit on girls on transit. But the best MARTA dating tip I have, is for pete's sake, help any chick you see on the train who's being harassed by a crazy. Pretend you know her, make said crazy go away, and you will be forever endeared to her.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Tonight the bus has defeated me :(
In a word, tramatized. My transit adventures have left me in tears and I feel like an epic failure. So here's what happened:
This evening there was a Greenpeace talk on climate at a joint in the nether-regions of Memorial, off of Flat Shoals. This required me to take the bus from work to the train, and then get off at Five Points and take the 21 eastbound down Memorial. I wasn't a fan, because this doesn't have me going through the best parts of town. But whatever, I'm a bus girl now, three weeks in should have been enough to prepared me for this, right? And even the shelter has me in not the best part of town. But the not best part of Decatur is much much different than the not best part of Atlanta.
To catch the bus from Five Points, you have to go to the street level of Underground Atlanta. To catch the 21, you have to walk to the furthest end of the street, away from the station and the police precinct. So I walked down to the bus stop around 7pm and leaned up against the wall of whatever building along side two other men who were talking amongst them stuff. Over by the signpost, between it and the trash can lay a man. Whatever, homeless folks all over, I've become a little hardened to this fact after my shelter stint.
So the homeless guy gets up and walks over to me. As soon as he does, I tell him I don't have any cash on me. He has some tickets to something, free stuff they hand out to tourists, and says he wants to give them to me, but do I have any change because he's homeless and hungry.
When I first moved to Atlanta, I used to be so heartbroken by the homeless on the streets. I even called my mom one time, the December I had first moved here, crying because a man had asked me for money and he was so nice and seemed so hurt but some cops had told me the week before to never give them money because they may be trying to steal my wallet. I cried over that man. Now I've learned that there are resources out there and some people are homeless because of really bad decisions and that's changed my perspective. But sometimes I still see people that I think really need it and try to help them.
But they are never the people on or around MARTA.
So this homeless guy, after I tell him the second time that I'm sorry, but I have no money, puts his hands on my shoulders and pinned me against the wall and started yelling in my face, cursing me out. And the worst part is, those men standing beside me do nothing. So he walks off and I'm in shock. A couple of minutes later The Screamer comes up to us and I just start laughing.
One is the one who told me about the Screamer, and thank heavens he prepared me. Apparently the man has no tongue and is a little crazy, so we hangs out at the station and screams at people, generally pointing to something. He had a small scrap of paper tonight, but I have no clue what it said. But One has assured me that he's harmless, so rather than be shocked or afraid, I'm just happy to see him. At least he won't try to assault me.
So here's this guy screaming at us, then he stands in the middle of the street screaming some more, and I have had it. I can't do this any longer, I can't wait a second more for that damned bus and I can't stand out there on that street and God forbid it, I am NOT taking that bus BACK to that station at 9! So I walk across the street and back into the station to get back on the train.
And I started crying because I should be able to do this. And honestly, that was the first time in the three years I've lived here that I've been scared in Atlanta. And I feel so defeated and like such a fool that I couldn't wait on a stupid bus in downtown. Seriously, who walks away from a bus stop crying?
This evening there was a Greenpeace talk on climate at a joint in the nether-regions of Memorial, off of Flat Shoals. This required me to take the bus from work to the train, and then get off at Five Points and take the 21 eastbound down Memorial. I wasn't a fan, because this doesn't have me going through the best parts of town. But whatever, I'm a bus girl now, three weeks in should have been enough to prepared me for this, right? And even the shelter has me in not the best part of town. But the not best part of Decatur is much much different than the not best part of Atlanta.
To catch the bus from Five Points, you have to go to the street level of Underground Atlanta. To catch the 21, you have to walk to the furthest end of the street, away from the station and the police precinct. So I walked down to the bus stop around 7pm and leaned up against the wall of whatever building along side two other men who were talking amongst them stuff. Over by the signpost, between it and the trash can lay a man. Whatever, homeless folks all over, I've become a little hardened to this fact after my shelter stint.
So the homeless guy gets up and walks over to me. As soon as he does, I tell him I don't have any cash on me. He has some tickets to something, free stuff they hand out to tourists, and says he wants to give them to me, but do I have any change because he's homeless and hungry.
When I first moved to Atlanta, I used to be so heartbroken by the homeless on the streets. I even called my mom one time, the December I had first moved here, crying because a man had asked me for money and he was so nice and seemed so hurt but some cops had told me the week before to never give them money because they may be trying to steal my wallet. I cried over that man. Now I've learned that there are resources out there and some people are homeless because of really bad decisions and that's changed my perspective. But sometimes I still see people that I think really need it and try to help them.
But they are never the people on or around MARTA.
So this homeless guy, after I tell him the second time that I'm sorry, but I have no money, puts his hands on my shoulders and pinned me against the wall and started yelling in my face, cursing me out. And the worst part is, those men standing beside me do nothing. So he walks off and I'm in shock. A couple of minutes later The Screamer comes up to us and I just start laughing.
One is the one who told me about the Screamer, and thank heavens he prepared me. Apparently the man has no tongue and is a little crazy, so we hangs out at the station and screams at people, generally pointing to something. He had a small scrap of paper tonight, but I have no clue what it said. But One has assured me that he's harmless, so rather than be shocked or afraid, I'm just happy to see him. At least he won't try to assault me.
So here's this guy screaming at us, then he stands in the middle of the street screaming some more, and I have had it. I can't do this any longer, I can't wait a second more for that damned bus and I can't stand out there on that street and God forbid it, I am NOT taking that bus BACK to that station at 9! So I walk across the street and back into the station to get back on the train.
And I started crying because I should be able to do this. And honestly, that was the first time in the three years I've lived here that I've been scared in Atlanta. And I feel so defeated and like such a fool that I couldn't wait on a stupid bus in downtown. Seriously, who walks away from a bus stop crying?
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