It seems that our nation's capitol is worse off than Atlanta at the moment. Since Atlanta is a little money poor itself, I thought maybe we could borrow a few of these brilliant ideas. And with that, I would like to propose that we fine people of poor escalator etiquette. And a tax on suburbanites going to events downtown.
So if you're bored, go check out www.wtfmetro.com. I'll admit it, he's more entertaining than me.
Metro Money-Making Ideas
With the ever-looming budget woes due to years of mismanagement, we all need to pitch in and provide WMATA with ideas and suggestions on ways to help overcome this budget gap that is being faced. Now in all fairness, it's not ALL due to mismanagement, but that has played a role. Aside from the fare increases/surcharges that are PROBABLY right around the corner, we need more options of supplementing this cause.
Everyone likes to relax on their train ride home. After a hard day of work, we all wish for a little bit of peace as we make our way home to family, pets, and/or alcohol & harsh narcotics. One way we attempt to achieve this peace is via sleep. I swear... sometimes after a long day at work, I can hop on the red line at Sliver Spring and be KNOCKED OUT before my train hits Takoma. Unfortunately, we don't all have the luxury of doing this. Primary reasons preventing this are usually unruly passengers, overcrowded trains, and the herky jerky stop and go action due to manual train control. While we can't combat the first item without Metro Transit Police actually doing something (guffaw), I do have a solution to combat the latter of the two. This invention will allow riders to stand up and catch some ZZZZZs while maintaining a stable base, leaving passengers worry-free about falling due to unskilled train operators. I first present to you, The Chinpod!
Chinpod allows passengers to cram in and take a nap wherever the sardine school of passengers takes them. It even works on station platforms! Orange line riders will LOVE this. Chinpod offers a stable base with its triangular leg structure, composed of the latest titanium technology. The telescoping shaft has a demonstrated weight capacity of 487lbs, accommodating riders of all physical statures. Metro can rent Chinpods at popular/busy stations such as Metro Center, L'Enfant Plaza, and Dupont Circle, and have return/drop-off locations available system wide. Rental fee will $5, and $6 for Asians. No reason for the extra surcharge, but I figure we should just go ahead and use random discrimination for a financial gain. I'm open to discussing the surcharge being shifted to other ethnicities. Heck, how about we rotate months. Asians (January), African-Americans (to include African natives) (February), Hispanics (March) Caucasians (April), repeat. I thought about a $2 surcharge for tourists, but we all know they don't ride the train for long distances, nor do they sleep...they just talk excessively loud.
I know what you're thinking right now. "Metroman, that's so awesome. You're so great...but what about the poor bastards such as yourself that ride the bus!!?!?" Relax my friend, we've got you covered. Now the bus is a bit more tricky, as space is significantly more confined. We opted NOT to provide a standing sleep-aide, but rather a seated device. Don't you hate trying to nap while positioned in those sideways seats ? The odd swaying of left to right with the drivers' erratic applications of gas & brakes. Fear no more, my fellow bus riders. Metroman presents to you, "Bus-A-Cap"
Bus-A-Cap, whose name is inspired by the former [and current] criminals employed by WMATA, features the latest in suction devices, providing a secure connection to bus windows. The patented construction-grade hard hat provides 360 degrees of cranial support, ensuring a restful and relaxing ride in the roughest of conditions. It's been tested to dampen motion from routine occurrences, such as collisions with trains at railroad crossings , it even withstands the impact from the railroad crossing gates (original posting here). Hell, you wont even feel a THING when the bus mows down pedestrians. Bus-A-Cap is just that awesome!! Standard rates & fee schedule will be applicable.
Patent pending, void where prohibited.
Innovative ideas such as these are where WMATA needs to focus its efforts. Leading the way with such technical advances will the restore the faith in the leadership of tomorrow's WMATA. As of right now things aren't looking so hot. Not only will it generate $5B in the next 6 years (if we do some "metro math"), but GREAT inventions as featured above will change the region's outlook on Metro. Let's make it happen!!!
